Roller Coaster Ride

My mental and emotional health has been up and down for the past month, as Dio’s decline progressed. This roller coaster ride of grief has left me physically drained as well. If any of you have experienced grief for a person or a pet, I’m sure you know that grief can take a physical form with problems including fatigue, nausea, lowered immunity, weight loss or weight gain, aches and pains, and insomnia … and I’ve experienced several of them. Last week I began feeling as if a cold was creeping up, I started having GI distress with a crampy gurgling stomach, my right knee and left hip have been a bit sore, and gross fatigue settled in and persists. Joe’s insomnia worsened and he too felt a cold gripping his body.

Since we cancelled our trip to Louisville, and Dio died on Friday (in case you’re curious we helped him with this – it was not a home death), that left us with a nice, unexpected block of time to be home and relax with no plans or obligations. I thought I would physically recoup with the time off. We threw caution to the wind, sleeping late and staying up late (I’m serious, folks! I stayed up to midnight one night!). I had some good runs, read some decent books, saw some so-so movies. We caught up on yard work, completed our to-do list and plotted out the rest of our vacation time for 2010. It was a nice, restful, chillax weekend. So why am I still so beat? It’s gotta be grief. So, I’m listening to my mind and my body.

Mind wise, I am releasing the urge to rush out for new kittens right away – heck, I don’t even have Dio’s ashes back yet (I’ll get those tomorrow). I must confess I found my two dream kittens on-line at the Kenosha Humane Society, and had plans to see them tomorrow night. It was love at first sight – Maine Coon kittens (I’ve always dreamed of having Maine Coons), a grey & white female and a male tabby. After my initial excitement over getting these cutie pies, I felt tired and physically heavy. I knew this meant something was wrong with my plan. After thinking it through I realized, for many reasons, that it would be best to wait until we return from vacation in late August to get new cats.

On the physical side, I’m listening to my sore knee and hip and will forgo my 7 mile run tomorrow. I am loathe to miss a big run, but in the bigger picture I know it is wise to sit this one out. I’m not in training for anything important, so missing this run will not affect anything. I’ve been running 20 miles per week since the half marathon was done in May, so perhaps, my body just needs a break. Only getting 13 miles in this week will be better than nothing.

I know this will pass. I will feel better soon, and be back in my full throttle mode.