Saying Good Bye to March

March is going out like a lion, with me roaring for more success. For the first time in over 2 weeks, I find myself in fine fettle. I was besieged with a viral cough 2 weeks ago that began interfering with my sleep, and threatened to either bruise my ribs again (March ‘08 – that was not fun!) or herniate my two bulging discs (no thank you, 1 herniated disc is enough!). I did the prudent thing and saw my doctor last week Thursday (this is how I knew it was a viral matter) and was given cough medicine to both suppress and expectorate the cough. Incidentally, my doctor told me she’s been testing all her patients for Vitamin D deficiencies since summer 2008, and to date I have been the only one NOT deficient. So here’s my quick plug to all of you: YOU NEED AT LEAST 2000IU of Vit D. per day. While the cough began to improve, I was extra tired from fighting the bug, BUT my back and leg remained problem-free with training and Spinning. On Friday my massage therapist noticed my limp is entirely gone, and she commented on my restored muscle mass. Yippee! Just as the cough issue subsided this past weekend, I was blindsided with horrible gas, cramps, nausea and emesis Sunday night, which left me feeling uggy yesterday. Today nothing is bothering me, and I am looking ahead now to April and smoother waters. It’s time Joe & I start hitting some trails. In the past, we’d think nothing of doing a quick 5-10 mile hike on a Saturday morning. I hope this is still no big deal. Getting onto the trails in April will give me a sense of where my leg strength and endurance is at.

P.S. My rear thigh and foot remain numb & tingly at a level fluctuating between a 2-4.

Rolling Right Along

After a solid leg work-out with Ben Monday, Spin yesterday and a grueling leg routine with Ben today, I can report no signs of relapse with sciatica, pulsations or back pain. Knock on wood! And if I may toot my own horn, I will share that Ben was impressed with my performance today – with my form, strength and stamina. He feels I’ve come a long way in one month. I concur :) He also reminded me to tone it down a notch in Spin tomorrow – slow & steady wins the race. Spinning is starting to grow on me, albeit like a fungus. I think it’s a situation of mind over matter. Since I know running is out, I am forced to find ways to like Spin, and it’s working. I am also feeling more at peace with not being able to run. I saw my chiropractor today, and am now scheduled for monthly appointments. This is a far cry from the 2-3x/wk. I needed a couple months ago. Now if I can shake this terrible itchy throat with the dry hacking cough, I will really be on my way. Joe’s picking up the mileage now that his injuries are retreating, and is clipping along at a great pace. He’s hoping to complete the half marathon in less than 2 hours. Since I have to forfeit my spot in the race, I’m planning to volunteer on the race course. I’ll be there to point runner’s in the right direction or to hand water to Joe, Denise & Karen as they zoom by, checking their watches and wondering “Am I almost there yet?”

Back At It (all of us)

So here’s what’s happened since I last wrote. I took a couple days off from working out and my sciatic symptoms improved. Yay! Then this weekend I began having pulsations in my rear thigh. Boo L The pulsations can best be described as dull throbbing sensations – womp! womp! – and while the pulsations aren’t painful, they can take me breath and concentration away. Last night the pulsations woke me on several occasions to the point where I considered tapping into my left over Valium from December’s ER visit, but I didn’t.

I hoped training with Ben this morning would help the pulsing sensations and it did. We had a great work-out. Ben mused that the pulsations could be a good thing – a sign that we’ve opened up some space for my nerve to breathe and heal. Last night Aunt Shirley said the same thing, so I’m going to go with this theory and junk the fear that I’m headed for a relapse. I searched the internet exhaustively for information on signs of nerve healing, and found very little specific to me, but learned in general that as nerves heal it can be painful.

I’m 12 hours post training and haven’t had any more pulsations, so who knows what that means? Maybe something shifted during the gazillion different exercises Ben put my legs through. At the end of our work-outs Ben spends 10-15 minutes stretching my left leg, and working on the piriformis. Today he said I seemed to have all of my Gumby-like flexibility back in my left leg, which seems to suggest that my time off was a good recovery tactic. Tomorrow I’ll try Spinning again, though I must confess I have a slight fear and mental block about it – it was last week Tuesday after Spin when I noticed sciatic symptoms. Though that setback can’t be blamed on Spin alone, my mind still connected the dots to lead to Spin as the culprit. Tomorrow will be a test of body over mind!

Joe Update: Joe is doing better with his running since getting orthotics. No more ankle bursitis, and while his legs are sore in other places now, it’s likely due to the orthotics and will dissipate as his body adjusts to the recalibration. He’s training fast and furious as the Wisconsin Cheesy Half Marathon is 6 weeks away.

Dio: Mr. Binky Dio had his annual exam, or as I like to call it “The Works” (like at the car wash). He’s in fine fettle for 15.5 years old. His hyperthyroidism is well controlled, his weight is steady, his blood work was good, his teeth are healthy and he remains the same sassy and active cat he was 15 years ago.

From Fabulous to Set Back

Welcome to Joy’s Roller Coaster Ride. As you know I felt fabulous Monday. Yesterday morning I felt good, did my core work, upper body weights and a fun Spin class set to fast Irish music. It was later in the morning at work that I realized my thigh was feeling sciatic, and my foot a smidge more tingly. It took a while to realize I was having the same sciatic symptoms that hassled me before my herniation was diagnosed. What I feel is hard to explain- not the typical sciatic pain people talk about. This is a dull, tight achy feel. I iced, I stretched and crossed my fingers it’d be better this morning. But it wasn’t.

When Ben arrived at 5a.m. for our Wednesday training session, I explained what was going on. He stretched me out a bit, and feels my left piriformis and glutes are tighter than usual. This means my muscles are swollen and likely pressing on the sciatic nerve. The sciatic nerve runs under the piriformis, which on me is really tight. Ever since I had a micro tear in my piriformis in 2007 it’s been the bane of my existence. Ben advised we skip working legs the rest of this week, NO SPIN tomorrow, and lots of ice and stretching. I can work upper body, use the elliptical and stretch. We’ll reconvene on Monday to see where I’m at. Ben was bright, stating that we’d been working hard, and my body is putting the brakes on to slow it down. If I listen to my body now, I will hopefully avoid any further decompensation.

Those were the facts. These are my feelings: Fear, frustration, anger, exasperation & hope. After Ben stretched me out, I spent an hour on the elliptical, trying not to cry out of those above listed feelings. In the locker room I started to rally and tap into the hope that this is my body setting limits, and that with some recovery time, I will be fine come Monday.

Feeling Fabulous

This is week number 3 of personal training and I am reaping the benefits both mentally and physically. I’m seeing Ben Monday & Wednesday mornings for an hour. The entire hour of leg work is intensely cardio. Working the large muscle groups without breaks will do that. Today my heart rate was between 145-170 bpm during the entire leg routine, which is awesome – the same as if I was running! After working with Ben I do an additional 30 minutes on the elliptical to loosen any tightened muscles before stretching and calling it a day.

Tuesday & Thursday mornings I spend 60 minutes working upper body and core (much of the leg work Ben & I do incorporates the core too) before taking a 50 minute Spin class. Friday’s I do 60-90 minutes of cardio and mix it up – elliptical, revolving staircase, bike.

I can feel the return of strength to my legs. I have increased endurance. My left leg/foot is responding more quickly and tiring less easily. I am not crippled the day after our training sessions. I am taking on harder, more dynamic and ballistic leg work-outs without losing form. I am not having back pain. My former pretzel-like flexibility is returning to the left leg, and the numbness/tingliness in my foot is usually around a 2-3.

Mentally, I am feeling more like myself. My identity is greatly wrapped up in being strong, fit and healthy. I lost some of that from Dec-Feb, but feel it coming back. Joy’s getting her mojo back. If my previous level of fitness was a 10, I’d rank myself at an 8 right now. I anticipate being a 10 by May.

Running. Yes, I need to talk about that again. My feelings have shifted, at least temporarily. Over the weekend we watched Spirit Of The Marathon (one of my b-day gifts from Joe), a great documentary, that did not whet my appetite to run. I did not have an urge to run a marathon after seeing it. I can still remember finishing Napa and thinking, 13.1 miles is more than enough. I also remembered how sick I was of training – how it consumed my life. I have an acquaintance at the gym who qualified for Boston and is in the final stages of her preparation. I saw her limping around today and looking tired. It reminded me of how tired I was by the end of my training. This morning I was reading about speed drills, tempo runs, and hill training in my Runner’s World magazine, and was reminded of how inadequate I felt as a runner. I was semi-obsessed with improving my time and efficiency. To do so meant harder, more grueling forms of running, which I never enjoyed. As my rose colored memories take on a sepia hue, I am remembering more of the difficult times associated with running, which comprised about 90% of running! And for a brief moment I feel relieved that I have a legit reason not to run.

I Need Your Input

So here’s my problem. I can’t accept the idea of not running anymore. I realize that in the present it’s not a good idea cause #1 My back is still in the healing process, and #2 My left leg just won’t do it (I’ve tried chasing Dio in the house and I’m pretty clunky), but for the long-term? I can’t seem to swallow that pill.

All my research seems to indicate I should avoid running on concrete, but does that leave trail running open? Am I pushing my luck to run in the future? These are the only discs I get in this life – should I commit to the idea of not running, and save my discs so I can be mobile in old age? And preserve my ability to mountain climb and backpack? This all seems logical. But what I’m experiencing isn’t always rational. And maybe only other runner’s can understand this. Though I was only a runner for less than a year, it got into my blood, got into my head, became a part of me.

What am I to do? I go in circles considering my options. It goes like this: I could start some light trail running in six months or so … what’s the worst thing that could happen? Well, I could have a serious relapse and require surgery. But Dr. Kurpad has performed on many athletes who then return to their previous activities. If I had surgery I could probably run again. BUT back surgery is to be avoided at all costs because the surgery removes some of your disc, possibly some bone, and this weakens your spine. The spine will be overtaxed in other areas as it overcompensates for the weakened area. Both the weakened area and the rest of the spine are at greater risk for future herniations.

In logical terms the Bottom Line = I shouldn't push my luck by running cause it may cost me more in the long run (hee hee, I made a pun). Next my thinking goes to the thought that everything happens for a reason and this leads me to two possibilities:
1. This back issue happened so I would explore new avenues of athleticism (i.e biking)
2. This problem occurred to challenge me to persevere and not give up on running.

Please give me your input (by comment or email) by voting for belief #1 or belief #2. If enough of you chime in, perhaps I'll gain more clarity.

Losses

Today I realized that I really do have some neurological losses with my left leg (not for good I hope!). Ben had me try the leg curl machine where you lie on your stomach and curl the weight towards your butt. He wanted me to do single leg curls, but even with just 10 pounds, I could not get my left leg to move the roller without help from my right leg. This wasn’t due to the weight as much as it was that my leg just wouldn’t move in that direction. It felt discouraging. It’s hard not to compare my current self to my past self.

I think of myself 12 months ago. I was just becoming a runner; at the infancy of my half marathon training. I was strong and fit. I think of myself 6 months ago with legs of steel after a summer of running and a grueling mountainous backpacking trip. I think of myself 4 months ago with a stellar VO2 Max level, plans of becoming a faster more efficient runner, a 2009 race schedule laid out in my mind... But then I must remember myself less than 3 months ago – crawling to the bathroom, excruciating pain, and the real possibility of back surgery. I must remember myself 1 month ago - killing time on an elliptical trainer, still 2 weeks away from being cleared to work-out fully. I do this: remember, compare and contrast, get sad and pump myself back up. Over and over. It can be tiring, wearying, frustrating and for brief moments, even devastating. But what can I do? Keep moving forward, writing the pages of my recovery. Imagining myself next year, 3/11/10, writing about how I remember “last year at this time my leg wouldn’t work right.”

As I scan this entry before posting it, I can see some of you might be alarmed – I do sound rather glum! Please don’t mistake my musings for more than what they are – just thoughts and feelings that I let pass through me like clouds in the sky. I don’t hold onto any of them for long. I know I’m fortunate in so many ways, and I’m getting better. My legs are stronger this week than last week. They’re already adjusting to Ben’s rigorous training, feeling less sore after work-outs, feeling less fatigued when I Spin. I’m getting there people!

My Birthday Report

I love growing older, and feel proud of each year under my belt. There is no secrecy or hesitation to declare I'm thrilled to be 38. I had a perfect day. To start with, the weather was sunny and warm for March, as opposed to the cold rains pelting us today. Good weather = good mood. I worked a half day, met a friend for lunch, got my hair cut, soaked up a massage, feasted on Volcano Tofu carry-out, gorged on my favorite dessert of East Side Oven brownies with ice cream sandwiched in between, and opened a plethora of gifts from Joe. A clever gift was a spine. Yes, you heard me, a spine. During the throes of my back woes, Joe asked if there was anything he could do for me, and I chirped, "Get me a new spine". So, you see, all one needs to do is ask, and you shall receive! This spine also comes with a herniated L4 disc, matching mine.

This was not the end. This morning Joe set out our separate cereal boxes, and as I reached my hand inside to help my flax flakes tumble out, I felt a hard piece of paper ... a coupon in my cereal box? Nope, tickets for the 11a.m. Titanic Exhibit at the museum. The exhibit gives you a passport of information for one of the real Titanic passengers (just as they do at the Holocaust Museum in DC), and at the end of the exhibit, you learn if you lived or died. I was a second class passenger moving from England to Idaho with my husband and child to find a dryer climate to treat my tuberculosis. I lived, my husband died. The exhibit was well done and a special treat.

Lastly, we traveled to REI. As luck would have it, the REI dividends always come the week of my birthday. I've been unhappy with my current sleeping bag of the past 3 years, and planned to return it and purchase the North Face Cats Meow instead. REI has a 100% guarantee policy, so they took my used, and somewhat tattered sleeping bag back. Between my credit on the old bag, my 20% members coupon, and my dividend ($135), I only had to pay $12 out of my dividend for my new bag. Sweet, eh?

Hair of The Dog

As suspected, I was essentially crippled by sore muscles Tuesday morning. I hobbled out of bed, got to the gym, warmed up on an elliptical for 20 minutes before hitting the 50 minute Spin class. I hoped the cardio leg work would help loosen me up, but that was wishful thinking. I spent the day grunting and groaning as I got up and sat down. I walked a bit like the Gestapo, barely able to bend my legs, and had to use a hand railing for support on a staircase! This morning I was a fraction less sore, but had trouble visualizing lunging, squatting, etc. as part of my program today. And yet, lunge, squat, step ups, and many more leg exercises (different from Monday’s drill) filled my time with Ben, and as my muscles warmed up, my legs dutifully responded. I’m sure that tomorrow I will be less sore than I was Tuesday morning. It’s a case of “the hair of the dog that bit you” at work – I’ve experienced this before in training and am counting on it tomorrow.

More about Ben. As I mentioned, I’ve worked with Ben in the past, and he’s terrific. Ben is 32, and a 10 year survivor of testicular cancer. He’s a level 4 trainer (personal trainers are ranked level 1-5, 5 being the highest level), and has more knowledge about medical and physical issues than most trainers as a result of his own experiences, his own research and by having a brother who’s an orthopedic surgeon. To take a look at Ben, follow this link that tells more about his education and areas of expertise: http://www.thewac.com/club/scripts/clubpers/view_clubpers.asp?SRC=L&PID=9843&GRP=2776&NS=WAK&MFCODE=WAK

First Training Session

Holy Moly! I bet tomorrow I will have trouble lowering myself to the toilet! Today was my first day of rehab with Ben. We worked my legs a million different ways for nearly 45 minutes. It was hard, and I am weak. By the end, my legs were shaking – especially my “bad” left leg. Four months ago, this kind of work-out would have been respectable, but not hard. Here’s a snap shop of what we did:

• Front Lunges – 3 sets of 12 per each side
• Diagonal Lunges – 3 sets of 12 per each side
• Reverse Lunges - 3 sets of 12 per each side
• Side walking squats with 10 pound weight held at chest level – 6 sets of 10
• Reverse leg curl & bridge with Fit Ball – 3 excruciatingly difficult sets of 12!
• Single legged extensions at 37.5 pounds – 3 sets of 10 per each side
• Single legged side squat on Bosu Ball
• Two stairs at a time up staircase from basement of gym to first floor. 12 times.

After this leg work, Ben helped me stretch out my left leg, and used the foam roller too to loosen tight fascia and muscles. He bid me adieu ‘til Wednesday morning, and I carried on with upper body work, and 30 minutes on the bike. Tomorrow I will give Spin a try if my legs can bend!